Yesterday Shania and I started a class for our marriage. We are at a healthy place in our marriage but I also have learn that we always must strive to grow more. After the class first section was over we discuss a little about the homework and also recapping our day with each other. After talking with Shania she realize she need me to run a errand and stop by the store afterwards, for some candy. As I jump into her Jeep Compass that has the new apple carplay screen, which allows your phone to display your podcast app,message app and other apps on the screen. Now I am going to give you a trip into my personal mind and how I use the question, what’s your self talk?
I started to think about the class we wrapped up and some of the homework we were issued. I know what I need to do to get better as a husband and leader, then I started thinking about all the mistake I have made personally and in our marriage.
One of the books I am read is from A.R. Bernard “Four Things Women Want From A Man,”
Which are Maturity, Consistency, Decisiveness and Strength. He also stated these are the 4 things men also struggle with as well. In that moment after being reminded of this four points I started thinking about how I have struggle with them as well throughout the years. Now I am flooded with memories from the past and how I struggled to hold my word. As you may know you don't get ahead in life by focusing on the past because you will not move forward. So I asked myself, “Jahbari what’s your self talk?” I was focusing on the negative in my life and that was not making me feel great about myself. “Then I said 5,4,3,2,1 now focus on what you want Jahbari!” Where have I heard that countdown before? Mel Robbins the 5 Second Rule and she was on a show I watch online called Impact Theory.( Click to watch this free interview to understand..beware of the language) This tool that she uses to overcome that knowing/action gap, is something we can all learn from. It is backed by research on why it does work and how our brain can play tricks on us.
She goes on and talk about how she strugglde with self doubt, which is something I battle from time to time. One of those time were when I was in my wife Jeep Compass about to run those errands and it creeped up on me. So I turn to this interview when she was on Impact Theory to change my personal self talk, are starting to understand #wyst??(What’s your self talk)
Doubt can tell you that you are not worthy of those good things you want for yourself because you already have messed up your chances. Satan will come in and agree, so if you are not careful of what you feed your mind then you could easily fall into the trap that many people do when they have self doubt. Also you can forget how much progress you have made when you focus on your negative past.
So after beating up those negative thoughts and now have a clear mind, I had finished my errand and now stopping into the store to grab my wife something. As soon as I walked in I started looking for a certain candy to get my wife, I hear somebody come in about 10 seconds after me. I had no reason to pay attention to who this person was because I had one task, find candy for my wife. Then my focus was broke when I heard, “ I was just about to call you tomorrow!” I looked up to see who he was talking to and his eyes was fixed on me. It was my old barbara who was about to leave the store until he seen me walk into the store. He had a conversation with a young man earlier that day who was looking for some guidance. He didn't know how to put it in words but the guy had a growth mindset and it though about me. He said “ I know about your success with speaking and real estate and I know he needs to talk with you.”
Here is my point, I was beating myself up and doubting if I could really grow into being a better leader in my personal life. Then I was reminded, you have been growing and others need you to keep going! Thank you Heavenly Father for this timely reminder. #wyst?
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, without doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.