is a lot of truth that can be taken from simplicity. As I go through a study I realize we have been trained incorrectly on how to deal with our feelings. Any time we experience hurt we are in need of healing, nobody likes to stay in pain. How we deal with this feeling of hurt and pain will determine how we manage life. The truth of who we are as human beings are rooted in our feelings.
When you are hurt and in pain who will you turn to in order to find healing? In most cases we will turn to a doctor because they have the specialized knowledge on how to identify the pain and also what you need to do to heal from the pain. We often times do not take this route when it is relate to our own personal feelings of hurt and pain. The inertia actions of a person will lead to a level of of pain because of the hurt we have experience, whether it is current pain or in the past.
The problem for me and everybody else is we all aim to find a form of valium to deal with this pain. A form of valium can be to just ignore it because you are ignorance of the pain that is causing you to hurt. I did not know how to properly identify my pain at times and why I was hurt. But is it the identifying of the pain that is causing me to hurt, will open up more healing for me and you as well. We have feeling in order to use them to help us heal in any areas of pain, but where you and I go wrong is when we push away those feelings because it exposes us to be vulnerable. The more that you work on that area of hurt you will get to a place of healing. I am just attempting to get to that point of healing so I can help others do the same. What does it take?
Willingness, patience, work and time. So I am not expecting to give you quick fix answer in this blog post but here to introduce you to the fact it will take time for healing in certain areas. With the willingness to work on something painful you can get to a life of more courage. With the patience to properly identify where the pain is located it will give you better understanding on how to move forward.
Personal example for me is that when I was around 7 years old, the only memories I have of my parents is them always arguing with each other. I never seen them happy but all I wanted was to see them happy. I remember being in the back seat of our 1980 Cadillac deville and I was in the back seat and riding with my mom and dad. I can remember seeing veins coming out of my mother neck as I seen her yelling at my dad. My father was yelling over my mother to provide his point was more accurate. I would see them glance back at me in between their argument and attempt to calm down, but that did not last to long.
The argument was so bad my father pulled over and he and my mother stood on opposite sides of the hood. I could tell by the hand pointing and body language they were still at each others head. They were so focused on proving each other was wrong, they did not even notice I had unbucked myself, and got out of the car. I stood up on the hood of the car and jumped up and down yelling, “STOP FIGHTING, STOP FIGHTING!!” Tears were falling from my eyes and both of my parents probably seen me for the first time and the pain I was feeling from watching them argue. I just wanted to see them happy and they attempted to put on a smile and hug each other, showing me all is fine. I did not buy it but I did in that moments. A few months later my mom was moving in with my aunt because my parents were getting a divorce.
Today, I still may be experiencing some form of pain or hurt from that argument or even from them divorcing. It will take willingness, patience, work and time to make sure I heal properly. A question I always wondered is if my dad ever healed from the divorce the correct way.. Yes, no, maybe I honestly do not know. I talked to my mom often or she will give me a straight answer any time I asked her about it. One thing I knew is that I was not going to turn to them for marriage advice when I grew older.
So I understood that based off this example I was going to have to seek guidance from someone else on marriage. Even if the guidance was wrong I am willing to go through the trials and have the ability to think and reflect. One thing I have found to be true that when others, who we love, are not willing to express their hurt. They are also rejecting the chance for them to heal and the ones around them. Now because I want the healing I have to force myself from being around them at times, at least until I am healed. To be continue…. until tomorrow what’s your self talk?