#wyst blog challenge Day 29.. Feelings??

Something that is exiting and a struggle as a speaker is learning how to develop my story. When I say develop I mean give it more clarity and details so I can learn to talk about it in more of a compelling way.

Why it can be a struggle at times is because it push you to really self asses who you are and everything you have been through personally. My personal opinion is that I believe we are focused to hide our feelings because it shows us to be soft, sensitive, vulnerable, and weak. So it now has become part of our identity. Hide our feelings, hide our personal hurts, and anything close you better not even think about sharing it with anyone.

Why is this important?

First, it allows us to tell our story in a way where others can relate and be willing to listen where we are coming from. For example I spoke to a camp this summer and told the kids about growing up in a divorce household. After my speech the kids stood up and told me some of their personal takeaways. A 7 year old boy stood up and said “my parents got a divorce when I was 3 years old.”

You never know who is listening and what catches their attention when you open your mouth.

Secondly, it will allow us to have more intellectual conversation, because when we understand where the person hurt is coming from and it is just a part of our identity and no longer define us. Reread that to make sure you understand the full message.

Last but not least, it allows us to mature more into that person we desire to be and attach more like minded people to join us on this journey.

Let me step back and help you understand why this has to relate to speaking. Once again if you don’t know I love the company that bought me into their team, Transcend, because in a healthy way they challenge me to find a way to tell my story. When I am meet with a challenge I find myself breaking layers so I can become a better overall human being.

As I was practicing my story and going over our training program. I was able to gain more clarity on why I made the choices I made. Our training program as a lot of great themes, one of them is to connect your environment with who you are. How we must control our environment and not let our environment control us. As explored this theme with my story, I made more and more connection on why I made the choose I made throughout life.

Example my parents were divorced since I was 7 and I am going on 7 years happily married to my beautiful wife. The level of hurt I personally experienced influence my ways on how i see and value my marriage today.

We all have experience some feeling of hurt in our past and will also in our future. So I do believe we need to start to find a way to cope with the feelings of hurt, so it will not define us.

Until tomorrow, what’s your self talk?

#wyst blog challenge Day 28...I thought you were smart

I remember working at a dealership and most people knew I did a lot of speaking and real estate investing outside of the dealership. Most of the sales people would stand around waiting for a lot up(when someone drives up looking for a vehicle), while I always worked a plan.


We had two building, one was a new car building and the other one was the used car building. One day as I was walking from the used car building  to the new car building, one of the saleswoman stopped me. I didn't stand outside talking about what all I did outside of work and how proud I am of myself. I believe she heard and wanted to know more about my ventures outside of the dealership. She stop me as I was walking into the building  and asked me, “Jahbari how many rental houses do you and your wife have?”I believe at the time we had 3 or 4, then she asked the following question , “how do you keep up with it and everything else?” I just explain to her I learn how to prioritise certain things I needed to do throughout the week.” I gave her a few more tips because I could tell she just wanted to have a conversation. As I walked off after our conversation she said, “ boy you are smart.”


Let me explain something to you, that the only reason I have gotten to where I am today is because I learn what I need to do and do it. The work it takes for me to accomplish those task are not always fast and easy. It takes a lot of learning curves and more effort than I expect at times. That is how I always viewed it.


When she thought of me being smart, I caught me off guide and I was little shocked at how she viewed our conversation. Because my viewpoint was If just put a lot of effort in than I could get the results I wanted.


Carol Dweck said something that made me think about this conversation . She said,


..Effort is for those who don't have the ability. People with the fixed mindset tell us “ If you have to work at something, you must not be good at it.” They also add, “ Things come easy to people who are true geniuses.”


This saleswomen viewed me to be smart because of the what I have accomplished and how how I viewed my accomplishments. I view it as me willing to put forth the effort and I will get to my results. Never once did she ask me how much time did it take or energy is required from you and your wife?


I do believe effort is greatly overlooked in most people eyes today. If you are willing to see a goal and want to accomplish that goal than the effort is just part of the journey.


We need to embrace more time, energy, effort and money it is going to take and to embrace that journey. Only people who maintain that growth mindset will be willing to push past those uncomfortable challenges.  


I will leave you with this from Carol Dweck.


“Effort is what ignites the ability and turns it into accomplishment.”


Until tomorrow, What’s your self talk?

Check out the Vblog for this post....https://youtu.be/I9Wqv9UkHHo

#wyst blog challenge Day 27..You Are In Control Yf Your Potential..Can the IQ Test Prove it??

We been lead to believe that if we are born a certain way, with certain skills, and have certain connection that we are going to have a lot of success in our life. This is what you and I have experience throughout life and it has made it hard for us to understand where we fit in this game called life.


Let’s start with the IQ Test, do you know why it was created? To know who is smart and who is not smart or to measure how smart someone is currently and how they will succeed in life? I am not sure about you but when I use to think about any test I would take, it lead me to believe if I did not pass it with a certain grade I would not make much out of myself.


What if the goal for creating the IQ Test were to help understand what skills children were lacking. Then build the programs to help the children to get back on track. Well this was exactly the goal of Alfred Binet, a frenchman working in Paris in the early twentieth century had in mind.


“He design this test to identify children who were not profiting from the Paris public school, so the new educational programs could be designed to get them back on track. Without denying individual differences in children's intellects, he believed that education and practice could bring about fundamental changes in intelligence. ” Said Carol Dweck in her book Mindset.


What you and I have been feed is to believe the fixed mindset, which are the people who use a test as a measurement of the success someone can and will accomplish in life. It is those people that has said, “just get a 9-5 job doing sequential work” meaning something we don't have to use our mind to think. Something that is laid out in black and white and we have no need to tap in the creative side of our brain. If we were to ever think about a task or job outside of our normal sequential mindset, we would say, “I can’t do that!”


Are you starting to understand the power our personal self talk can have over us, to experience more out of life is to see we can be more. But to have more we need to think in a way that will allow us to believe we can achieve more . So what do you tell yourself on a daily basis? What are you choosing to believe about your future?


Well I will help you capture those thoughts, until tomorrow….what’s your self talk?

#wyst blog challenge Day 26..Mental Health Expert Interview

Recap of a great interview with Dr. Catherine Hubbard Adams. She is a mental health expert in the world of Psychologist, she helps children and adults overcome depression, anxious and mental struggles. We talked about, “How social media can affect your mental health for good and bad.” She has had over 17 Years of clinical work and has seen how it can affect people's mood and life. Here are a few recaps of some of the topic:


What Causes Depression and Anxiety in people life?


  • The Lifestyle they choose to live.

  • Trauma Events and more


Everything that happens to people comes from a choice and what happens to us can be painful. Learning how to move past that pain is a huge step to understand how to live a joyful life.


What get you stuck in those bad lifestyle choices?


  • The environment we are living in or our upbringing

  • Thinking you are NOT in control


We are in control of everything that happens to us and we are in control of everything that does not happen to us. What you choose to believe is your choice, which leads us to the next point she made.


Why is your personal self-talk is important? #wyst?


  • How she practices her own research in her own life and why others should as well

  • How research support self-talk

  • Focusing on a certain image of yourself will get us to certain results


How do we measure ourselves when we are on social media?


  • Understanding what happens to the mind when we look at random post throughout the day

  • How people make it appear that life is perfect and yours should be as well.


What are the things we need to do to activate that better part of us?


  • Her experience with Transcend Awakening and how she recommended it to everyone.

  • Why you need to wake up and shift your perception of life.

  • Learning how to do the things that are uncomfortable.


Click here to watch the full interview.

Until next time, What’s your self-talk?


#wyst blog challenge Day 25..Moving past your Inadequacies

Often time we have to break down our own personal battles but we may feel we are inadequate to do so. It easier for us to blame others, say we are incapable of doing better, or just doing nothing.


“The desire of the sluggard kills him, for his hands refuse to labor.” Proverbs 21:25


Work, labor or whatever you want to label it is meant for us to service and doing it should push you more out of your comfort zone. The reason it push you out of your comfort zone is because the task require more effort then you have every personally recorded in your own history.

Example, I love going to speak in front of crowds and audience but the work it takes behind the scenes is unheard of at time. I would have to spend hours of writing or practicing so I can make sure the points I want to make comes across clear.


In doing this I find times when I don't know how to do something well so I may hit a learning curve. The learning curve for you and me can make us or break us, here is why. When you have to learn something you can believe,key word believe so you are in control,  you are inadequate to handle the effort, time or money it will take. So you have to find the time, money, or effort right?


Now how you answer that questions will define how you deal with your personal battles. Remember doing nothing is not a choice, it is either fight or flight. Let me share with you a person struggle of mine.


This blog is a 30 days challenge, but I am over 30 days and I ask myself why. Because I did not want to take the time out and write like I told myself, I did not want to put the effort forward to think. I didn't know how to say what I wanted to say so I did nothing, instead of finding a way to inspire myself. Now what? What’s Your Self Talk Jahbari??


Keep moving forward because “doing nothing” is not a option! I will get better at when I plan time to do my blog, I will put forward the correct effort, and if it takes money sometime to help me do this..then so be it! I know that when I am able to keep my word to myself I can inspire and teach others to do the same. Admitting you are struggling with something is ok, but it is not ok to just stay in that “I am struggling mindset” and it is not ok to quit.


Until tomorrow, What’s Your Self Talk? #wyst

#wyst blog challenge Day 24..What's Your Self Talk Show

For those that does not know, I also have a Facebook show that goes live every Tuesday evening. I explore the ideas behind what's your self talk and have experts come and talk about why it is important as well. We all have the choice to either have a fixed mind or a growth mind.


You and I wanted to transform into a better person than we are today. So how can we do this? A better question is what's your self talk? I love the way Carol Dweck breaks it down in, Mindset the new psychology of success, and here is an example from her book.


“Okay, now imagine you’ve decided to learn a new language and you’ve signed up for a class. A few session in the course, the instructor calls you to the front of the room and starts throwing questions at you one after another.

Put yourself in a fixed mindset. Your ability is on the line. Can you feel everyone’s eyes on you? Can you see the instructor’s face evaluating you? Feel the tension, feel your ego bristle and waver. What else are you thinking and feeling?

Now put yourself in a growth mindset. You’re a noive that’s why here. You’re here to learn. The teacher is a resource for learning. Feel the tension leave you;feel you mind open up.

The message: You can change your mindset.”


Can you tell the difference? What's your self talk? When you need to follow through on a project when no one is watching,what’s your self talk? When you need to be studying for a test and you have 3 weeks before the exam, what’s you self talk? When you have to decide between a apple or a candy bar for a snack, what’s your self talk? When you need to send more time with your kids but you rather be at work, what’s your self talk?


Today on my show I will have a local Psychologist on my show. I will explore her mind of this concept, #wyst. How can learn about to stop letting social media control there life? What are the things we can do to stop letting our mental health spiral out of control?


I hope you can make it to listen, ask question and grow. You can access the video here and also the replay.


Until tomorrow, what’s your self talk?

#wyst blog challenge Day 23.. I am Proud of you😢

I had a chance to speak at Devoted Dreamers Academy and I can tell it was a better speech just based off my #wyst show and this blog. I was able to paint my picture and story with more emotion and clarity. The crowd, was anywhere from 6th grade up to young adults. So the reason I have been doing this blog is to practice more at what I am not good at. One big struggle I found is that I have not always been good at is understand myself and my personal story. They are related to who I have become today.

You have  seen me talk about self doubt, insecurities, and my personal story. I have been sharing them in writing and speeches because I believe that is the way we all learn. I am grateful for the company I work for, Transcend, because they are the ones encouraging me to learn how to tie it all together.

Some of the biggest truth I have found is when I force myself outside of my comfort zone and they are;

1) Me gaining more confidence in who I am,

2) I am able to talk about my struggles more,

3) I am more passionate at sharing my story. 

I believe there are a lot of Lamar’Quis Burkes out there in the world. Who is Lamar’Quis Burkes you may be thinking?

After I my speech I had several of kids say they took a lot from my story, from living in a broke down house to seeing their parents divorce at a young age. It really did touch me because I was inspired to keep telling my story. I went into the looby to do some planning for a upcoming trip and making sure my budget was in place. While I was sitting down a young boy came to sit next to me and started watching what I was doing. I explained to him while I took pauses to overlook some details and he seem interested. Giving me his full attention and looking me directly in the eyes I started to ask him questions about himself and what he wanted to be when he grew up. He was unsure and seem like he needed my help understanding what he wanted to do.

I always like to understand the background behind everyone because it helps me see who and why they are asking me questions. I encouraged him to ask me anything wanted and I did as well. After a while I can tell I was losing eye contact with him, he would look down or up but not right at me. We started talking about how his dad is not in his life and how he only had his mom and grandmother. His eyes started to get real watery and after seeing him struggle to look me in the eyes I told him to look at me. Then I said, “ I am proud of you for coming over here to talk with me and I am proud of you for sharing your story with me. I am proud of the progress you are making in life and don’t stop even when it seems like it is getting harder.” At that point tears was running down his eyes and it hit me. This is why I do what I do!!

I never thought I would be giving advice that would bring a kid to tears, but he  never had another man look him in the eyes and say, “I am proud of you.” So the next kid you see take time to look them in the eyes and say, “I am proud of you.”

Until tomorrow, what's your self talk. #wyst?



 Me speaking at Devoted Dreamers Academy. Lamar’Quis Burkes is in this picture. 😏

Me speaking at Devoted Dreamers Academy. Lamar’Quis Burkes is in this picture. 😏

#wyst blog challenge day 22... What your step...

The simple believe everything but the prudent gives thought to his steps. Proverbs 14:15


Yesterday on our marriage call with my mentor, Willie Moore Jr, he talked about what it means to capture those thought and write it out. Because you cannot remember every thought  so I asked myself, what are the things I need to do so that I will make more progress in my life?


I a have a planner and really been telling myself, I need to use it more. When I wrote out my goals and seen the direction I was going on my day to day action. It make sure I was doing the most important  thing first and it always turned out to be a wonderful day. Once I learn to process what needs to be done and the time frame it will take to get done, I will follow through on it more. It is called time blocking and understanding I will spend 2 hours doing what needs to get done, even if I don’t finish in that time, I will get more done.


It is better to finish 2 hours of something then to just let 2 hours past away and do nothing. Because I can pick up later from 2 hours working on a project, then picking up from nothing. Which way do you think is more encouraging to start working on a project?


The release of endorphin I receive still sit with me today and I know I can still do it. To reach 2,000 with #wyst and create a way to make a online course that will help people think with that questions.(growth? or fixed mindset?)


I believe the ability to “THINK” about what you want and to move forward in that direction is huge for me and others. The more I can teach people “how to” do this can lead  them to doing more of what they want to do. Also it will lead me to have more fulfillment and joy through life. Just living and working for money is not and will not get us far in life. You must fuel your life goals with the correct knowledge. It is only when we have our goals in place we can see what is the correct knowledge we need to obtain.


“Only who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil and a fool is careless and reckless.” Proverbs 14:16


Regardless of who you are and how you are wired, you and I must become more aware and cautious of what we are doing with our time.  Moving fast can’t be great if I am not cautious of where I am heading. I thank my Heaven Father for this reminder today!


Until tomorrow, what’s your self talk? #wyst?

#wyst blog challenge day 21 ..Why we all don't like to be diligent

“The hand of the diligent will rule, while the slothful will be put to forced labor.”

Proverbs 12:24


This was the first thing I put my eyes on this morning and I will say I can become bored or lazy when I have to do more diligent detail work. Even when it does have a purpose there are times I have to force myself to focus. Understand this to be a weakness of mine helps me put into perception the straight life. Robert Rohm talks about this concept in his book, “Who do you Think you are?” Robert quoted Dr. James Dobson who wrote the book, “Straight Talk to Men and Their Wives.”


Dr. Dobson believes that we all need what he called “ the straight life” - doing the necessary daily thing that make life work earning a living, pay the bills, honor commitments to your family, cut the grass and all those other things that may bother me at time but it still need to get done.


This chapter Robert Rohm is relating to people who are High I’s are wired and how they need to learn to function in marriage. Please refer to day 16 to understand more of what I am referring to when I say “High I.” Now for “I’s” it is easy for us to be pulled like magnets away from the straight life by these four voices.

  1. Ego Needs

  2. Self Esteem

  3. Sex

  4. Pleasure, Romanticism, and Fun.


A life with personal responsibility really is the only life that works! He says that solution to boredom and desire for something new is to bring the voices of pleasure, sex, ego needs and self esteem into your current “ straight life.” This will encourage  you to remain responsible yet provide fun along the way.


It is very important to point out that he is referring to someone in a covenant marriage and someone who is identified as a I on the D.I.S.C personality test.  


The reason I am sharing this today is because I used to wish somebody would of put this into this kind of perception early in my life. Know that I see how being diligent and having personal responsibility goes  hand in hand, I want to be the example for others.


Just because something did not happen the way you wanted it to does not mean you are stuck. You have a choice just like me to find that healthy balance and always let proverbs guide your life. I would not be where I am today If I were not willing to trust my Father in Heaven.


Until tomorrow, What’s your self talk?    

#wyst blog challenge day 20... Self Assess

elf doubt is something we all have to overcome. It is simply not having the the confidence to move forward. Sitting in our own self doubt will produce bad fruits. Fruits can lead to irresponsibility, immature, blame and any thing else that can blind us from seeing the harm we are causing ourselves. It is when we control our self doubt and not letting them control us that we can really move towards growth.


This is one of those easier said than done but is it really?? Self doubt comes from a ignorance and the longer we stay in that state of mind,ignorance, the longer we will produce the bad fruit that comes from it. Choosing to be more aware of our ignorance state of mind and finding the correct knowledge is what leads us to another reality. Once you know more about your self doubt and understand why you doubt , you will get to a point of self assess. The ability to self assess is very prodigious to move forward in life. Once you see why you your actions and attitude is producing a certain outcome you will start to ask these type of questions.  


Why do I have little confidence in myself? Why do I run to this addiction? Why do I always blame my wife,job, parents, upbringing, school? Why am I not further in life then I want to be? Once you can personally answer these questions for yourself, you will start to realize that the only person who has been holding you back is YOU!


I believe as human beings we all want to increase out status in life. But we have to make sure we are seeing how we can get better. Never ever compare yourself among others! Never! This is a common problem. Instead compare yourself among yourself, because now you can reflect on what you need to do to get better.


Not doing this is what Eric Thomas would call “ The inability to self asses.”


The only person you need to compare yourself to is you. Once you see what needs to change you are now responsible to make it happen. You have to see why you doubt yourself! You have to see why you play the blame game! You have to see why you are so immature! You have to see why you  run to your addictions instead of facing the truth about yourself.


One of my favorite bible verses this year I reflect on is James 1:22-25


“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.  For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror.  For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like.  But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.”


We are only deceiving ourselves when we know what we need to do but choice  to do nothing. We let our doubt kick in and rob us from doing what needs to be done. Because it is the doing you will find the person you truly want to be! As you keep on doing , it is easier to self assess what you need to do better. Because you have witness yourself having a flaw in the midst of your doing. You can easily self assess and keep moving forward.


When you are doing nothing and then you start to doubt yourself in the midst of doing nothing. You will keep producing that bad fruit.


Which fruit do you want to produce? Good or Bad?


Until tomorrow, what’s your self talk?

#wyst blog challenge day 19 David and who?

Today’s lesson was a great reminder of what we need to be aware of as we strive towards our of purpose in life. I am reminded of the other messages around David when he approaches to defeat the giant Goliath. Let's dive in and together and pay attention to what is happen at the scene of the battle.


I Identify With The Paralyzed Army Needing To Be Rescued By An Unlikely Champion   


When David appeared on the scene, Goliath also step forward and it was others there before David. When they seen how big Goliath was they all fled from him and were very afraid. How often do we allow the looks of a problem or circumstances paralyze us? We may have been ready for battle but once we see what the journey really looks like, we start to make all kind of excuses. “I didn’t expect it to be so hard” or “I am not able to do this because of my past” and one of my personal favorite “who am I to think I deserve such a great life?”

Who ever would defeat Goliath would have riches, live tax free and get have the kings daughter. Now you may not wanted any, I will take the all besides the last one I love my wife, but think about it in this way. When you go forth and overcome those big obstacles there is always a reward waiting for you on the other side.


We Need To Hear The Voice Of Victory Over The Voices Of Cynicism  


David own brother was there questioning him. How often can we let family and friends words block us from reallying seeing what is before us. Sometimes it can be our own negative personal self talk talking us out of seeing the good in the midst of our climb to victory.


I want you to consider next time when life starts to get hard, understand that you can’t just keep going through a season with the same perception. Those around you cant change but it is one person you can change. You can choose to think about how God was with David and how David trusted God over all. So the real question I have for you is what Goliath is standing in your way?


Until tomorrow, what’s your self talk?

#wyst blog challenge day 18..Who is responsible??

Some people say, ‘Well, that’s just the way I am..’Well, ‘the way you are’ got you where you are - aren't’ you embarrassed? I don't really need to understand your circumstances [that made you the way you are]; it wouldn’t do any good. It’s irrelevant. The only thing that matters is if you have a purpose big enough to overcome those circumstances and change the way you are..”


I ran across this statement as I was learning more about my self and others and how we can make excuses bases off our circumstances.  It hit me in a spot that needs to be hit, because to often I have seen myself make excuses because of my circumstance and never think about how I can change. I do believe you and I look for people or environments that welcome our excuses because of my circumstance. This can do more harm than good because it paints a picture as in you don't have to change. Now we may need that environment for a small time frame to grieve and heal. But when is it time to move past the pain and step into a better future, we tend to freeze.   


Reflect back on some of my others days and you can see how I am learning to process things that I went through growing up, which can be hard. The reason it is hard is because I tried so hard to ignore it as if it would go away. If you think this  way then you are wrong and are causing confusion in your own life then you are aware. We all have circumstances that influence us- and our behavior style is one of the main influence. Once we realize something can be done on our part to change, we become responsible.


Short one today but until tomorrow, whats your self talk? #wyst?

#wyst blog challenge day 17 Creativity Code

The other day I feel a spark to buy a few magazines, that a way I can learn more ideas on how human beings are wired. One of the magazines is called Science of Personality. To learn accurate information on what makes me and others click is key to me. I have to learn how to filter the information in front of me differently then I have in the past.


A section in the magazine was title “the creativity code” by Sherry Baker. How we tap into more of our creative side has really been intriguing to me since reading Daniel Pink “ A Whole New Mind.”( You can read more about on day 6) She pointed out some good facts to take into account as humans; 1) creativity is a trait of all human beings 2) when we pursue creative activities, life feels more meaningful and we have more outlets to express ourselves.


Then she say what adults and youth can do so they can tap into their own creativity.


Adults can look at more unlikely events to see what the distant future will look like. A example I thought of was yesterday, on my macbook I always will get a quick CNN news update, which I keeping saying I am going to turn off those notification but this one got my attention. It said “ Kate Spade the fashion designer had committed suicide”  and was only 56 years young. I am always curious why do people who seem to have it all together take their own life? I do believe that everyone is different and there is no simple way to answer this question. I do believe it has to deal with that they are telling themselves mentally and this is why I am passionate about my brand #wyst?


Mel Robbins did help me process it a little deeper in the direction I was going. She said, You can have all the money in the world, a wonderful family, career success and a beautiful smile… You can have of that surrounding you but it won't mean anything if your mental health is spiraling.” It made me think instantly of a quote I posted that day by Jim Carrey, He said, I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that is not the answer.”

Both of these encounters just gave me a deeper and different perspective on life and how I want to impact people in a positive way because of that one unlikely event and many others that never make it to the news. I believe this is a example of creative code that Sherry Baker is referring to.


Now for youth playing pretend is crucial to building creativity. With the help of parents encouraging youngsters to use their imagination by considering alternative perspectives. Instead of youth just looking at and thinking about what is immediately in front of them, simple exercises such as musing on galaxies in the night sky can prime them to look more outward than inward, according to psychologist and creativity researcher Nira Liberman of Tel Aviv University’s school of psychological sciences.


Which is a example of sparking creativity in the them which is what they need. She also found how doing these type of exercises lead  them to scoring higher on the Tel Aviv Creativity Test. (TACT)


I say all of this to paint the idea of why we must develop our creative side because it will give us more meaning and allow us to express our true self.


Until tomorrow, what you self talk? #wyst?

#wyst blog challenge day 16 Who do you think you?

When you choice to grow and step out of your comfort zone, you start to welcome new ideas and information into your mind. A part of the journey is to understand how to process the information correctly. Insights on who you are as a individual and how you process life in certain situations are important to study. I have always like to look at personality test to help give me insight to how I am wired and others as well. The past few years D.I.S.C has been my go to personality test. I believe the reason why is because it is not give me to much information up front unless I ask for it. I do believe in detailed studies and I dive into them once when I plan ahead of time.

If I ask you a quick question I am most likely looking for a quick answer, there is a exception at times. Their are some people that are wired to want to give me a 300 page book for a quick answer. Only so you can understand the quick answer with more depth. Now there's nothing wrong with me or the person who would give me a 300 page book, we are wired differently. Therefore because we are wired differently we both have a different definition of how we like to receive information.

This is why I love D.I.S.C because it is a great tool to use in helping you and I understand ourselves and those around us. If you know me well enough you know I am very outgoing and people oriented. So you can understand why someone like me would have to give extra effort to dive into a book that is 300 pages more than I wanted. I am a high I and that person most likely is a high C, before I get to far let me give you a basic overview of D.I.S.C

D.I.S.C is a tool that is used to help you and I understand each others personalities style and how we communicate. Being in sales I have seen how this simple tool can help you understand how to understand customers and co-workers. Once again it is a tool and it is in no way labeling you and I. Labeling someone can be disabling and how I see the purpose of D.I.S.C is to be used to enable someone, which is what we all want!!

The first question you have to ask yourself is, I am more of an outgoing person or a reserved person? In order to answer this question accurately you must know that this is who you are at your natural state. Do you get fueled by going out and about and moving around fast  paceor by just taking it slow and easy. Neither one is good or bad, it is just more of who you are to your core.

Second question, are you more tasked oriented or people oriented? When you lay in bed at night do you mentally review what all you got done on your to do list? A perfect day is when you get everything done you set out to do. Some people feelings got hurt but the task was completed. Or when you lay in bed that night do you think about all the people you talked to or interactive with. Do you think about how you might of hurted John feelings because of the way you said something?

Base off how you answered those questions will determine if you are the following.

D dominant outgoing/task oriented

I inspiring outgoing/people oriented

S supportive reserved/ people oriented

C cautious reserves/ task oriented

I also made a video titled, who do you think you are? With the help of Dr. Robert Rohn I am learning more about myself and other. I believe this is key to understand if we want to learn how to connect and communicate more effectively.

Until tomorrow, what’s your self talk?

#wyst blog challenge day 15 Laboring in Obscurity

These last past days have been really personal for me and I believe we all get to a point  where we need to look back and understand how to process the life. Because our ability to close those chapters in our life are key to moving forward. I still have much to say but being sunday, I want to share how a new series we started a church goes right in line the way I have being processing life. I changed it around to laboring in obscurity.


I have to 100% honest, I have a difficult time understanding why certain things has happened or is currently happening to me. How I love to tie my difficult and confusing time together is by looking at God's principles and aligning where I am in relation to them and the is process called life. My spiritual belief in God has always guided me to deeper views in who I am and who I am created to be. I have seen how this to be true for people in the bible and people  in history after the bibles was written. Theodore Roosevelt said, “Every thinking man, when he thinks, realize that the teaching of the Bible are so interwoven with our civic and social life that it would be literally impossible for us to figure what life would be if those teaching were removed”


The New Series we started at church is called “The Life Of David And The Promise Of A King.”

The points we talked about were the following:

  • God uses seasons of obscurity to develop our gifts and character.

  • What you are going through is never just about you.


Let me point out that David was told that we will be King of Israel, but once he was anointed ( a traditional ceremony where oil is rubbed on someone who is appointed to his or her calling) he went back to doing what we was doing before, watching the sheeps. He had to wait 15 years before we was living out this calling. Let me put this into perception, that is similar to Michael Jordan being told, you will be a six times NBA champion, 5 times MVP, go to 14 All- Star Games, Be a two time Olympic gold medalist, and be introduced into the Hall of Fame of Basketball as the Greatest of All Time! But he just was cut from the varsity basketball team in high school so go to  the jr varsity team.


Just like Michael Jordan, David was going to do great things in history but he needed to develop his skills,gifts and character. We live in a world where if you dont text me back in two minutes times our relationship is over and never text me again. (Just FYI I did hear a young teens girl say this outloud to her friend at the park about a boy she was texting, no instant gratification struggle is real!!) How about waiting 15 years because you are not who you need to be yet? I draw this out because there has been times where I need to just work on being a better me and that was hard it self. Because it push you and I out of our comfort zone. Change take time because it forces you to see who and what you will develop into and time never lie! I am not great a writing but I can get better if I practice daily, the reason for this blog.


Secondly, what you are going through is never about you. I shared my feeling of hurt that came from my parents divorce in day 13 and a conversation I had with my mom on day 14. I shared that because I needed to learn how to process that information and heal from it. Healing is needed so I can have the courage to go out to empathize with others. The biggest lie anyone can believe is that we are going through obscurity just for myself and I need to keep it to myself. This is why so many people feel lonely and can become depressed, because they feel like they are the only ones going through difficult times.    


I want you to understand one thing from today, you are in a season but you are not stuck. Weather it is good or bad it is meant to be shared with someone else so they can move passed it as well. I encourage you to chew on those last sentences. Until tomorrow, what’s your self talk?


P.S. There was a 3 point but I did not put it in my notes, my bad Chad!

#wyst blog challenge day 14 A talk with Mom

As you mature in life you start to look back and understand what you overlooked when you were growing up. I called my mom and asked her a thousand questions about her and my dad being married. I found some answers I was completely unaware of. My mother lost a baby boy in her stomach  and did not have me until 2 years later. She told me that is was at this time she deepen her relationship with God. She would pray to have a strong and healthy baby.

My mother is the main reason I have such a strong relationship with God today and nothing can ever tear me away from him. Because I just found out it was Him my mother cried to so I could come into this world.

Learn the story of your birth and how you came into this world. I am grateful to still have my mother and can call her to have these type of conversations. Nothing in the world can replace this call with her tonight.

Until tomorrow, what’s your self talk? #wyst?

#wyst blog challenge day 13 Feelings

is a lot of truth that can be taken from simplicity. As I go through a study I realize we have been trained incorrectly on how to deal with our feelings. Any time we experience hurt we are in need of healing, nobody likes to stay in pain. How we deal with this feeling of hurt and pain will determine how we manage life. The truth of who we are as human beings are rooted in our feelings.


When you are hurt and in pain who will you turn to in order to find healing? In most cases we will turn to a doctor because they have the specialized knowledge on how to identify the pain and also what you need to do to heal from the pain. We often times do not take this route when it is relate to our own personal feelings of hurt and pain. The inertia actions of a person will lead to a level of of pain because of the hurt we have experience, whether it is current pain or in the past.


The problem for me and everybody else is we all aim to find a form of valium to deal with this pain. A form of valium can be to just ignore it because you are ignorance of the pain that is causing you to hurt. I did not know how to properly identify my pain at times and why I was hurt. But is it the identifying of the pain that is causing me to hurt, will open up more healing for me and you as well. We have feeling in order to use them to help us heal in any areas of pain, but where you and I go wrong is when we push away those feelings because it exposes us to be vulnerable. The more that you work on that area of hurt you will get to a place of healing. I am just attempting to get to that point of healing so I can help others do the same. What does it take?


Willingness, patience, work and time. So I am not expecting to give you quick fix answer in this blog post but here to introduce you to the fact it will take time for healing in certain areas. With the willingness to work on something painful you can get to a life of more courage. With the patience to properly identify where the pain is located it will give you better understanding on how to move forward.


Personal example for me is that when I was around 7 years old, the only memories I have of my parents is them always arguing with each other. I never seen them happy but all I wanted was to see them happy. I remember being in the back seat of our 1980 Cadillac deville and I was in the back seat and riding with my mom and dad. I can remember seeing veins coming out of my mother neck as I seen her yelling at my dad. My father was yelling over my mother to provide his point was more accurate. I would see them glance back at me in between their argument and attempt to calm down, but that did not last to long.


The argument was so bad my father pulled over and he and my mother stood on opposite sides of the hood. I could tell by the hand pointing and body language they were still at each others head. They were so focused on proving each other was wrong, they did not even notice I had unbucked myself, and got out of the car. I stood up on the  hood of the car and jumped up and down yelling, “STOP FIGHTING, STOP FIGHTING!!” Tears were falling from my eyes and both of my parents probably seen me for the first time and the pain I was feeling from watching them argue. I just wanted to see them happy and they attempted to put on a smile and hug each other, showing me all is fine. I did not buy it but I did in that moments. A few months later my mom was moving in with my aunt because my parents were getting a divorce.


Today, I still may be experiencing some form of pain or hurt from that argument or even from them divorcing. It will take willingness, patience, work and time to make sure I heal properly. A question I always wondered is if my dad ever healed from the divorce the correct way.. Yes, no, maybe I honestly do not know. I talked to my mom often or she will give me a straight answer any time I asked her about it. One thing I knew is that I was not going to turn to them for marriage advice when I grew older.


So I understood that based off this example I was going to have to seek guidance from someone else on marriage. Even if the guidance was wrong I am willing to go through the trials and have the ability to think and reflect. One thing I have found to be true that when others, who we love, are not willing to express their hurt. They are also rejecting the chance for them to heal and the ones around them. Now because I want the healing I have to force myself from being around them at times, at least until I am healed. To be continue…. until tomorrow what’s your self talk?